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My birthday

February 13, 2008

My birthday is coming up in a month. I will be 27. I will get a new license from the state of PA, as mine is expiring. Then I will have had my license for exactly 10 years (yes, in NJ-where I grew up- you don’t get your drivers license until you are 17). I will be another year closer to 30, yet, still younger than the husband. I will still be a daddy’s girl, but now I no longer have my mom to celebrate with.

Of course, this isn’t anything new. I lost my mother 5 months and 1 day ago, (but who’s counting?), but this will be my first birthday without my mom. All the firsts are hard: the first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Years, first day, first week, etc.

This is the first year in my life that I am not looking forward to my birthday. Throughout my life I’ve always gotten super excited about my birthday because it meant presents and fun. This behavior is rooted in my childhood because my mom always made a big deal out of birthdays. She was always excited. She always made a special meal. She always made a great cake. And of course she would also re-tell the story of how happy she was when I was born and how she cried when the doctor told her it was a girl.

For my 26’th birthday I was living with my mom in Florida; I was keeping her company during her chemo and radiation that she was undergoing for an inoperable brain tumor. Even with all that she was going through and dealing with both mentally and physically, she still made a special meal and a great cake for my birthday.

I would give just about anything to be turning 26 again.

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